Elephant
So. I’m back.
Quick update… I managed to survive Christmas break with only 2 new cuts on my arm. Seems that was all I needed to release whatever was in me at the time that needed to come out. I’m back at college for my last semester now, and am taking my MCAT prep course. Easiest semester I’ve had by far… so far. It’s going well, but I desperately need motivation to study outside the course… my organic chemistry skills are severely lacking.
I just had the sudden urge to update… I’ve had probably the equivalent of 8-9 shots of rum and have 4 snus in my mouth right now. Feels fucking wonderful… had I only someone to share the moment with.
I just hope this doesn’t carry over to tomorrow. I’ve got class in the morning.
…I think I’ll be fine. Maybe I’ll have some more rum.
Heh. I hope my SO never finds this blog.
That’s all for tonight.
Around the Fireplace
Well, I’m back. Too bad my home doesn’t have power. We’ve got a generator though, so it’s not so bad. At least I can shower… And, obviously, I have internet access.
My ex removed me as a facebook friend recently… I’m not sure exactly when, but I was reading their updates just a few weeks ago… so, it can’t have been that long since then.
I’m… not sure how I feel about it. One one hand, I can understand… We barely talk since we’ve broken up and I’m sure my ex is tired of receiving updates about me and my current interest. It’s interesting that several other friends have removed me as well. Call these dynamics silly politics if you will, but there hasn’t been a day that’s gone by where I don’t recall the pain I’ve caused this person. Though I still don’t regret my actions, I do still care about this person tremendously. As for the other friends who have removed me, I have other, much better friends than them. I’m growing tired of the drama around here anyway.
On top of this, I heard that there may be someone else involved now. Honestly, I sincerely hope so… I hope my ex finds that perfect someone, and soon… I think they could use it.
I don’t know. I suppose I am disappointed that a friendship couldn’t work out between us. Though, I cannot say that I’m surprised.
One of my other friends broke up with her boyfriend, recently. Now they are both dating other people… I’ve heard that the guy she’s dating isn’t such a great person, and it’s wearing on her.
It’s funny, the directions in which people change sometimes.
Myself included, I suppose.
I haven’t cut yet. I think I may be afraid to. In a sense I feel as though I have to be there emotionally for my family right now, as money is short and we haven’t had power for over a week now. Family bonds are funny, too. I’ve never (and still don’t) consider myself to be close to my family, yet I feel a sense of responsibility about them.
*sigh* I hope we get power soon. I need a true vacation right now.
On a good note, I managed to get all A’s this semester, despite one of my teachers being a bitch! Yay!
Chase this light with me
Well I’m back at college. What a crazy Christmas break it’s been…
I’m surprised. No “I can’t believe you”’s? No “What are you thinking”’s? Seems like a lot of people didn’t even know about the breakup.
Haha, guess I’m just not as big of a deal as I thought… In a good way, that is.
Perhaps I’ve misjudged everyone…
My mother and I had somewhat of a falling out today, too, which I will discuss later. It’s good though… it needed to happen.
Merry Christmas!
Well Christmas has officially come and gone, and I am one Intuos3 tablet richer!
It’s a bittersweet feeling today… On one hand I’m anxious about tomorrow (not as much as I was yesterday though), and on the other I’m happy about getting this tablet. It was completely unexpected, which is rare for Christmas with my family.
Anyway, it’s time to draw!
It’s the best time of the year
So, I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it. Yet, at least.
Having been back for a few days now, something inside me fails to see why I was planning to break off our relationship in the first place. Then again, another side of me remembers how I’ve been feeling about us since this past summer.
Maybe I’m just scared of hurting someone? Maybe I’m just scared of what everyone will think of me afterwards?
I just don’t think I’ll be happy. Though I’m in a great relationship with a great person, I’m just not sure anymore if it’s meant to be… It seems like we’ve just grown in different directions in the past couple of years, and I see no signs of us getting any more similar to each other in the future. We’re just different people now… the person I fell in love with once is simply no longer there.
This doesn’t even have anything to do with my friend from college anymore. It’s something I need to do for myself… I just wish that people would be able to understand afterwards.
We’re going to a Christmas party tomorrow (today?). It should be fun, but we’ll see what happens in the aftermath.
…Anyway, I started playing RF Online, per recommendation from several of my friends. It’s quite good, even considering the typical Korean MMORPG feel that it has. Haha, I’m not a nerd, am I?
Christmas is coming. I got a car yesterday! A green 2000 Grand Am, for $1500 at a car auction. I’m just wondering what’s wrong with it… trying not to get my hopes up too high. I’m going to pick it up on Wednesday… From what I was able to check out myself, it seems like it’s in pretty good condition. Now all I need is that job at the hospital this coming semester so I can pay for the insurance…
