When darkness turns to light
Well, we talked.
Went to Panera… great place, just in general. Anyway, we discussed some huge issues… I revealed that I had been cutting myself, which was a huge leap for me. I was so scared! So we discussed that, and agreed that I needed to get help somehow or help myself. We agreed that I would call if I needed support, and I certainly will. We discussed how and why I started… I revealed basically everything concerning this habit that I’ve revealed here. As hard as it must’ve been to understand, there was a lot of positive reactions to my situation, which really helped.
After talking all about that which took up a good 45 minutes to an hour, I brought up how different we had grown. We talked all about what we want in a girl/guy, and how I needed to make sure I was secure, spiritually (That’s right, I’m Christian… albeit a very troubled one at this time :/). After talking about this for a long while — which was actually a very good discussion/conversation — we had to leave, because Panera was closing. We got out into the car and began driving back to my house… On the ride we discussed our personal differences. I basically made the point that we both need to step back and look at how each of us is changing, and try and decide whether or not we would still be changing in different directions in, say, 5 years. I said that we needed to put emotion aside and re-evaluate whether or not we were still good for each other, if the persons we had fallen in love with were still there.
And you know what happened? We both agreed. We had both been feeling the same way… I was just the first to initiate the discussion. We said that we needed to make sure that we weren’t just in this relationship out of habit, having been in it for the past 4 year, or whether or not we were truly still in love with who we had become.
Long story short, we will both be taking some time to make the one of the biggest decisions of both of our lives.
We talked after we got to my house… we walked out to the car. We kissed. We said “I love you.”‘
Now it’s time to decide if we still both know who “you” is… I thought I was sure before, though I told myself I wasn’t. Seems like I was right… I’m not sure. But it’s time to make a final decision.
I won’t be cutting tonight… I think I’m trying to quit now.
