Do you ever feel cursed?
Well, I’ll be on the second leg of my flight home in just about 48 hours. Though I have expectations as to what will occur over the break, I’m trying to clear them out of my head. I’m in no situation to make big relationship decisions right now.
Right… Just going to play things out by ear. Perhaps I’ll have a total change of heart… though with as much thought and time as I’ve given this decision to break things off, it would certainly take a lot. There’s a chance I could just be feeling this way because we’ve been apart for so long… But most of what I’m feeling has been with me for almost the entire year now. This certainly isn’t just a fleeting thought.
Nevertheless, I’ll wait until I feel the time is right. Decisions like this shouldn’t be made otherwise.
*sigh* Two finals left…
A torch should take care of this house of cards…
A piercing lack of sense of self pervades me today. I feel almost paranoid… trapped in this vast expanse. I believe this beast has pulled me into his hole tonight. When did he revive? When did he feed? He seems so strong… Stronger than I remember.
I must escape once again… but, there’s so much left to do here, in both worlds. This friendship I’ve drugged myself with has buried itself within my skin… I feel as though it’s become infected, feeding its toxins through these veins of mine. A part of me tells me that amputation of this infected limb is my only salvation… The other part, with whom I’ve allied myself for now, tells me I need to fight through the fever.
Both sides tell me that something must come undone. Perhaps this security I’ve built for myself over the years was false… These walls certainly seem to be closing in fast.
Am I afraid of commitment? No, not at all… It was commitment who saved me once upon a time.
I must make a decision. Lovers over friends, or friends over lovers… But the resulting fallout could be avoided by burning both bridges.
Soon this razor-wielding hand shall bear a torch instead of this razor. But tonight… tonight I need to feel.
…I saw I Am Legend tonight. Loved it.
